Not Afraid
by faded harmony
Summary: He shouldn't have felt afraid. They could do this. They'd practiced this before- like the lines of a play. He knew his by heart. She fell. And not a graceful fall, like those graceful actresses on a stage set for drama and happy endings. This was not a play. Her ending wouldn't be happy like them. Written for PJO Ship Weeks Numero Tres! SilenaxCharles Beckendorf . Oneshot.


**I really though I was going to cry when I finished it. Sorry for any of you who will need tissues. Whoops. THE FEELS.**

**Anyways, I am determined to finish PJO Ship Weeks before the MOA comes out. I MUST. That gives me about three days because I have a lot of homework and schist.**

**Anyways, Rick Riordan owns Charles and Silena and Percy and basicially everyone. Read. I seriously am killing myself with these stories. It's like Juniper/Grover- fluffy! Clarisse/Chris- more fluffy! Silena/Charles- Sad angst! Thalia/Luke- Sad angst! Hazel/Frank- light fluff! Piper/Jason/Reyna- Freaking drama addicts! Percy/Annabeth- FEELS OVERLOAD OHMYGOWD**

* * *

Afraid. That was how he felt. Even as the pegasus swooped down from the clouds, and Beckendorf felt the wind rush past his ears, it wasn't anything compared to the knot in his stomach. He shouldn't have felt afraid. They could do this. They'd practiced this before- like the lines of a play. He knew his by heart.

_Whomp. Whomp. Crunch!_ Whoops. Percy's car now had four horse-shaped hooves implanted on his car. He probably wouldn't like that.

Beckendorf looked down on Percy. "Sup," He said. Percy swallowed at him, and introduced his mortal friend, Rachel Dare. When they were ready, they hopped on Blackjack, Percy's best buddy pegasus, and flew out of sight. Beckendorf teased him and asked him if he wanted to let Annabeth know about the little scene down there. Not to be blunt, but the girl had just kissed him.

Percy looked nervous, but he looked like he was trying not to show it. They made it down to the engine room without a problem. Percy kept a lookout, until they got separated, and Beckendorf started to feel nervous.

The picture of Silena was sitting in his pocket, but he didn't take it out. He already had her image burned into the back of his mind. Even as he worked, his thoughts were stationed on her smiling face, and how he felt whenever she was around. Hopefully it was enough incentive to bring himself back to Camp.

That was when the monsters came. Ethan Nakamura- one of the traitors of the camp- had cornered him. He heard them coming, and he grabbed his sack of explosives and made a run for it. He had a plan to fool them. Last thing he knew, two laestrygonians had him in a headlock and completely caught in surprise. They beat him, but in the back of his mind, he knew this wasn't part of the plan. But he could still make this work. A new plan formed in his mind.

He was carried up the decks, where he saw him- Luke- or Kronos- smiling coldly at Percy, who looked as trapped as he did.

Before he knew it, they were running down the steps to go and disarm his devices. Charles looked at Percy, and reached for his watch. Percy seemed to realize the plan, and shook his head. Beckendorf closed his eyes and went for the syncopator on his watch. He pressed the button.

Percy threw his sword at Luke to distract him, and jumped off the edge of the deck. The Princess Andromeda exploded in a million shards of light, the sound loud enough to shake the world.

_Silena_, he thought.

* * *

It was not an emotion Silena could describe. She felt her heart pounding frantically through her chest, as she shoved on a size of armor far too big her size, tightened the straps, and ran out to find a chariot. If her plan worked, she could reverse the damage she had done and somehow make peace- but not just for the camp, for the peace she needed in her heart as well.

They couldn't seem to get there fast enough. She saw it- the thing she would have to protect her friends from. It was a lot larger in person.

The drakon's head stretched even above the skyscrapers. Silena gulped nervously, but she put on a confident aura around the Ares campers beside her. They were under the belief she was their camp counselor- Clarisse. Silena only hoped her plan worked long enough she could do.

"ARES!" She screamed as loud and as fierce as she could. The sound carried out, even with the clattering and pounding of chariots beneath her feet.

One of the other chariots pitched over. Silena dodged it with her own chariot, and the others kept coming. "Ares to me!" Her voice sounded shrill and not as courageous and convincing as she had hoped. Her 'siblings' threw javelins at the drakon's mouth, which made it hiss and spit more poison. She saw the bravest ones jump right out of the chariot, and go right in front and started stabbing chinks in the drakon's hide. Silena jumped out herself, as the flashes and yells of the battle swirled around her. Adrenaline pounded through her head, making her ears almost pop from the drumming. She took out Clarisse's electric spear, and charged the monster.

She saw Annabeth Chase, the smart strategist from the Athena cabin. Up front, staring at her in shock, was Percy Jackson. He was the son of Poseidon...and also the one who came back alone from his expedition with Charlie. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, or maybe it was blood? She had bitten through the side of her cheek, having chewed on it from her battle jitters. She knew he felt bad. She saw the way he really cared, and he had beaten himself up for losing Beckendorf. In a way, it wasn't even his fault, even if he had been there.

It was hers. She was up close now, as other brave people were around her and trying to take down the beast. It was huge. One of the drakon's eyes was half gouged out and gross looking, but Silena weaved and dodged. Like all the training she received at camp. She lashed out at the drakon's head, making it hiss.

"You can do it!" Percy was somehow farther away now. "A child of Ares is destined to kill it!"

New emotion bubbled in her stomach. She wasn't a child of Ares. Fear drove like a harsh knife into the knot in her stomach.

She glanced at Percy, before she leveled the spear. "ARES!" She shrilled, and charged the drakon head on.

Her steps seemed slower. She heard Percy yelling "WAIT!" Had he seen her eyes? Had he seen the fear that shone clear through her eyes? She, Silena Beauregard, and traitor, was _very_ afraid.

The drakon looked down on her. She only had time to glance up, when she saw the neck convulse. This was it.

It felt like she was hit by a ton of bricks. She screamed in pain. Acid coated her face, burning and sizzling. She fell. And not a graceful fall, like those graceful actresses on a stage set for drama and happy endings. This was not a play. Her ending wouldn't be happy like them.

She could faintly feel the battle raging on around her. She heard Percy shouting curses and attacking the drakon, but a new voice joined them. "NO! Curse you! WHY?"

She felt gentle hands trying to take off her helmet, which as it seemed, had melted into her face. Strangely, she didn't feel the pain as much anymore. Just the steady rhythm of her fading heartbeat. _I am dying. I am dying._

"WHY?" Clarisse demanded. She felt her friends gathered around her, and Clarisse shaking.

Someone yelled "Look out!" The drakon roared. Clarisse's arms left her, and Silena was left to grope around and wonder where her companion went. The searing pain behind her eyes started again, and she felt light all of a sudden.

"YOU WANT DEATH?" Clarisse's voice sounded like pure venom, even more potent than the one slowly burning through her once beautiful face. "WELL, COME ON!"

The sounds of a battle continued, and she faintly heard Annabeth telling someone else to lift something else. If it hadn't hurt so much, she might have swatted their hands away. Let the helmet stay on.

The ground shook, and even Silena could feel the tremors rock the ground around her. She heard the breathing of many other living things, while her raspy breath almost stopped as smooth hands unclasped the half-melted headdress and peered down at them.

She saw Clarisse's face above hers. Annabeth was kneeling on the ground next to her, and behind her just over her shoulder was Percy. Chris, Clarisse's boyfriend, and even the other Ares campers.

"What were you thinking?" Clarisse asked her, her voice gentle, but even the brave daughter of war looked scared. She looked scared for losing a friend.

Silena tried to speak, like it had always come so natural to her. Her throat burned, and swallowing felt like trying to inhale hot sauce. It scalded her mouth.

"Wouldn't...listen..." she managed. "Cabin would...only follow you..."

"So you stole my armor," Clarisse asked her, her face still in shock. But Silena saw a kind of grudging pride for her stubbornness. "You waited until Chris and I went out on patrol; you stole my armor and pretended to be me." Her attention came to her fellow siblings, and new anger filled her eyes. "And NONE of you noticed?"

Her siblings looked down in shame. "Don't blame them," Silena felt her throat itch. "They wanted to...to believe I was you." The fire spread down her throat, and into her lungs.

"You stupid Aphrodite girl," Clarisse's voice cracked almost to a sob. "You charged a drakon. _Why?_"

The fire reached to her stomach now, but the soaring temperatures received greater heights in her lungs still. Her fear bubbled again, and even as she tried to be strong; like her friend- a single tear escaped. A tear not for herself, but for the suffering and the loss she caused fro everyone else. "All my fault," her voice sounded weaker in her own ears. "The drakon, Charlie's death-" Even saying his name was a blow even more painful than the poison slowly working it's way and killing her from the inside out. "...camp endangered-"

"Stop it!" Clarisse snapped. "That's not true."

Silena closed her eyes. The guilt filled up her lungs, and calmed the waves of flames spreading through her. She felt the cool metal in her hand. She held it up for them all to see. To see she was a traitor. She didn't deserve their sympathy. She was a traitor.

Percy looked like he had been slapped in the face. "You were the spy."

Silena moved her head up a little to nod as her answer, because talking hurt as much as it did. It only caused her more pain. She only understood she deserved it. She caused this. This was brought upon herself.

She told them why._ He lied,_ she thought. _To all of us. I am sorry._

Annabeth turned pale at the end of the explanation. Her grey eyes looked like someone had shot her through the stomach, so much regret and pain, it arose sympathy in Silena's heart. Of course. She had been close to Luke.

Clarisse ordered something to her cabin members and siblings, but it seemed like a buzz in Silena's ears. Her last long speech had drained what little life she had left.

Her breathing became more labored, and with each breath only caused the fire to erupt faster and burn further in her lungs. "Forgive me," she croaked.

"You're not dying," Clarisse told her. Silena wanted to believe that. She really did.

The fear in her stomach dissolved. She was dying. Dying didn't seem so bad anymore. A new light shown on the grim subject matter.

"Charlie," she whispered. Her breathing became less painful. She felt the feeling she was fading into a deep sleep. She saw something else- something like a bright light. She sky was the color blue. Blue like the ocean, blue like the ocean on the beaches she and Charles had walked on at Camp HalfBlood. It looked like an endless sea of sleep. That would be okay.

"See Charlie..."

Silena was gone. She felt her mind being reeled into the blue void, but what lay beyond would be her trial, and judgement. She might go to Elysium. She didn't think she was a hero, but she had a feeling her last actions would serve as some reconciliation.

As she crossed into the next life, and an eternity with the person she loved; for the first time since the battle, Silena knew she was going to see Charlie again. She would apologize for everything she had done, and even if he didn't forgive her (but she knew he would.)- well that didn't bring her to despair or even make her the slightest bit worried. It was more like bliss.

The next life passed in front of Silena's eyes. She was not afraid.

* * *

_"I'm not afraid _  
_To take a stand _  
_Everybody _  
_Come take my hand _  
_We'll walk this road together, through the storm_  
_Whatever weather, cold or warm_  
_Just letting you know that, you're not alone."_

_~ Not Afraid, Eminem _

**Taken from _Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Last Olympian- _Page 24 & Pages 290-297**


End file.
